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The Dark Side of Purpose
…and the politics of our existential search for meaning
Are we finding our purpose? Or are we finding ways to soothe our purpose anxiety with the dream job narrative? (+ 3 self-inquiry questions at the end).
This week, I debunked some of the common myths and misconceptions around “finding your purpose” that circulate in new-age and the broader self-help industries.
These industries have conditioned us to think that God has a plan for us and if we don’t fulfill our soul’s purpose then we’ll somehow fail at life or our life won’t be as complete and meaningful.
Not surprisingly, this narrative has created a lot of purpose anxiety in our culture. The distress that comes from feeling like a failure or ‘not good enough’ because we haven’t found our ‘one true purpose’ is existential in nature, which makes us particularly vulnerable to feeling empty, unfulfilled, dissatisfied, and bored with our life. Lacking a sense of purpose can even increase our mortality rate. Purpose is literally what motivates us to get out of bed in the morning and live.
The entire field of positive psychology is dedicated to helping people cultivate a sense of purpose because of how important it is to our subjective wellbeing. We now have evidence-based interventions called life crafting to help people cultivate purpose.
(btw a lot of manifestation courses use the Life Crafting Model whether consciously or not, which is why people leave those raving testimonials that their manifestations ‘worked.’ Of course it worked, because it’s based on an evidence-based framework that teaches how to self-reflect & set goals. Yet instead of properly crediting an existing framework, they credit ‘Source’ which gives their work that mystical element. Creating the illusion of mysticism as ‘proof’ is literally what con artists do).
Here’s the thing: our sense of purpose is created, not found. That’s because your purpose was never lost. Every moment, you fulfill your purpose in life by living it.
Contrary to new-age beliefs, your soul is not incarnated to have, do, or be some “thing” in order to render your life meaningful or complete. In a nondual spiritual perspective, your soul needs no purpose because it is already complete, whole, and fulfilled in itself. You can watch me explain this in 60 seconds.
Today I want to pull back the veil on the sociocultural movements that have contributed to our collective existential crisis around purpose. My theory holds that these movements have been a catalyst for millennial trends in hustle culture, ‘dream job’ culture, girlboss culture, the rise in MLM schemes, and everything in between.
First, it’s hugely important to understand how millennials have been groomed by the self-esteem movement of the 90s. If you read anything else today, I strongly suggest this article about the self-esteem craze.
What started out as a well-intentioned social cause ballooned into a quasi-scientific cultural hype that literally shaped the way millennials were educated and socialized on a policy level. The self-esteem craze was a direct offshoot of the Human Potential Movement of the 60/70s that characterized the boomer generation. I’m sorry if you’re a boomer reading this, but…ya’ll fucked up.
At its core, the self-esteem movement was built on the assumption that our human and social problems were caused by low self-esteem. Despite this being a wildly unsubstantiated claim that completely ignored social and structural factors like wealth inequality, “self-esteem” became a household name that transformed the way we raise children to this day.
“You can be anything you want to be.”
“Follow your dreams! You can do it!”
“Look in the mirror. You are looking at the most special person in the world.”
(side note: As it turns out, not only is self-esteem NOT the answer to our problems, but it ironically erodes our self-concept because it makes us more susceptible to the superiority/inferiority complex of an inflated ego. To put simply, hyperfocusing on self-esteem doesn’t allow us to develop skills for psychological and emotional resilience towards handling challenges and adversity).
So, what happens when we shout “self-esteem” at a generation who is unprepared to meet the mental health challenges acquired through late capitalism?
A lonely, burnt out, and depressed generation with mounting debt and an existential crisis about their life purpose and meaning.
As if we were not already disillusioned, the pandemic only exacerbated our economic anxieties.
I don’t know if this level of gaslighting by the boomer generation was intentional or not, but it worked. Instead of fixing a broken system, millennials became obsessed with self-improvement and “finding” and fixing themselves. Ah, the good ‘ol bootstrapping narrative of our hyper-individualistic society.
I hesitate to draw oversimplified and absolutist assumptions, yet it’s not far-fetched to conclude that the economy became so unbearable that millennials started dreaming of ways to hustle, girlboss, and get-rich-quick their way out of debt and bankruptcy.
And who could resist the mouth-watering, money-making potential of a seductive MLM scheme?
I don’t blame millennials for this; but I do take issue with those of us who are still choosing to operate under the smoke-and-mirrors of the biggest scheme of all: the ‘American Dream’ narrative peddled through the new-age and self-help industries.
These industries are entirely based on a cannibalistic system that built us up to tear us down in order to sell us solutions to problems that they helped create.
This makes me sad and angry enough to fuel my own sense of personal purpose in advocacy.
Anyway, if you have purpose anxiety I want you to know that this is part of your conditioning and likely due to the way you’ve internalized capitalism. At some point, we’ve all been victims of the ‘purpose narrative’ and we deserve peace. Your peace is your resistance, seeker.
On that note, I’ll leave you with a few self-inquiry questions that might serve you if you feel stuck in this area. This approach will not help you “find” your purpose per say, but it will help you become intimately familiar with yourself and your unique process in creating purpose, which is so worthwhile. Here are 3 questions to ask yourself about purpose:
What motivates or inspires you to find or live your purpose? Is it insecurity, because you’ve internalized the belief that you are not inherently worthy or that your life won’t be as meaningful? Is it to compete with others or prove yourself to someone or a group of people? Is it to gain status or recognition? Is it born out of an existential crisis? Examine your motivations and beliefs around purpose. No judgment, just open inquiry.
Choose an activity or experience in your life and explore how “purpose” manifests in that experience. How do you feel in your body when you feel “purposeful?” What kinds of thoughts, moods, emotions, or sensations are recognizable? Also explore yourself in moments or experiences when ‘purpose’ feels absent. What kinds of thoughts, moods, feelings, sensations manifest in your consciousness when you feel “purpose-less?”
Explore what feels important to you. Purpose is not just about what you like or are passionate about, but what feels important. This has more to do with your values: it’s important that you identify what you value, and not what others (parents, peers, friends) value for you.
You’re welcome to share your reflections with me if you feel called. Wishing you a joyful & purposeful weekend ;). Remember, your purpose can be as simple as enjoying a cup of tea and a good book, or smiling at a stranger, or making dinner for your family!